The grocery store is no place for kids

Thinking I would give Mike a break from the kids, I took them all to the grocery store with me.  We had to get pumpkins and candy so I thought it would be fun, even though usually I'd rather poke my eye out with a sharp stick than take even just 2 of them to the store.  Half an hour and 4 dawdling kids later, we're in the car.  We get there, and Lucy nearly gets hit by a car because she let's go of my hand and starts twirling in the parking lot, she's so excited to pick out candy.  [I'll stop here and add that if you haven't seen Jerry Seinfeld's take on Halloween, you really must do so.  I mean, what are we doing all year telling kids not to take candy from strangers and then on Halloween we're all for it?]  Now it starts:  it takes an hour to pick out pumpkins because they can't decide, Jacob won't pick out a pumpkin because he thinks it's stoopid and he's mad that I'm making him do it, Paige huffs off because she's sick of being with the rest of us and she wants to scope out the candy.  Lucy and Josie freak out - they want to pick out candy too.  We leave Jacob with the pumpkins and head off to the candy where we get to spend forever picking it out plus getting in little catfights ("HEY!  THAT'S THE CANDY I WAS GOING TO PICK OUT!").  Paige gets her candy and heads to the checkout with a $1.50 coupon that will mean we get the bag of candy for only 47 cents.  The girls and I finish up; we end up right behind her and I discover her trying to sneak in a pack of Altoids.  [Back story:  Paige has been prohibited from bringing $ with her EVERYWHERE and frittering it away on crap.  The new rule in our house is that you need to decide ahead of time if you want something and run it by mom and dad.]  Plus, looking at her from behind, I can appreciate that she is not wearing any underwear.  For whatever reason, my daughter does not consistently put underwear on and it is to the point where she gets in trouble for it with some regularity.  Next up, she talks sarcastically to the girls, who are - apparently - overly enthusiastic about something as mundane as candy.  So I channel my bad self, who I have been keeping seriously under wraps, and let Paige know what I think about her behavior.  But in doing so, I have committed a prepubescent cardinal sin, "embarrassing her in public."  Now she's fuming and holding back tears and the girls are oblivious and still trying to do spins in the aisle with candy-driven excitement (blocking the elderly people who do not appear to appreciate the darling carefree whimsy of 4-year-old girls).  Jacob is out by the pumpkins, arms crossed, making his point that he is hating every minute of Halloween-sponsored family time.  All of this was made even more enjoyable by the sheer nature of my local Fry's Food and Drug:

We live near a retirement community.  Just like we poor working folk, our local retirees enjoy shopping en mass on the weekend.  Yes, it's true.  They have all week to do it, but instead they decide to flood the store on Saturday and Sunday when we poor working schmucks have to be there.  Even when I'm by myself, it's a real thrill to navigate a store filled with carts stopped in the middle of the aisle, couples debating for indetermine lengths of time over All Bran versus Honey Bunches of Oats, automatic grocery carts that exceed an appropriate speed limit and which have a turn radius that could take out half an aisle, and the rare sweet old lady who gives me a smile after I've waited patiently for her to select her denture cream, which just so happens to be underneath the toothpaste I'd like to buy.  I get 25% "oh your children are so cute, look at them all spread out behind you like ducklings;" 70% "look at all these children in my way; don't they know they should be in a strict single-file line behind their mother ala the Von Trapp family pre-Maria," and 5% who try to interact with Josie - the little one - setting her into a fit of crying and hiding behind her mother.  I'll add here that grocery shopping is a sheer joy.  Of course I am being ageist in my complaints, but then again, they're probably wondering why a (young?) mother is bringing 4 little kids to the store.  Tit for tat I say.  A side tip:  don't go to my Fry's grocery store every 3rd Tuesday of the month - it's blue hair day.  'Nuf said.